WARNING:Rebecca D. showsflagrantdisregard for the rules of punctuation... She uses ellipsis with wild abandon... Punctuation interventions have been done to no avail... If you are offended by such irreverence to the rules of grammar... The very glue that holds our society together...STOP READING NOW... Move on... There is a little button at the top that says "next blog"... You would be well advised to use it...You were warned...
So this weekend was... Well, dull... In a good way I guess, but dull all the same... It wasn't that I was bored or anything... Here is what we did...
Friday night we did nothing... I know you are shocked to find out I don't have a night life! All the kids were out visiting or on dates, and it was just us here with the 'rents... We decided to use this free time wisely and ate leftovers and watched TV... There was really nothing on so Paul and I mostly ignored it and discussed wedding logistics... (Are you asleep yet? The weekend doesn't get much more thrilling then this so feel free to stop reading any time.)
Saturday I started strong... I was awake by 8:00 AM and decided to clean out all of the lower cabinets in the kitchen... (*yawn) This annoyed Paul as we were planning to go to the open house at the local farm supply store (aka: the Kubota dealer). Here is why I was in no rush... (Beyond the obvious) I knew they were serving "free lunch" and he would never let us leave until we'd had our free hot-dogs and chips, but I also know that there is only an hour and a half of so of things to be seen at these events, so if we got there at 9:00 AM (when he was aiming for) we would have had hours to fill... My goal was to get there at 11:00 AM but this was killing Paul.. (Was he afraid they would sell out of backhoes and tractors before we got there?) So he expressed his displeasure with my little chore by walking through the kitchen repeatedly, looking at the time and sighing...
We finally left here about 10:45 and got there by 11 AM and he didn't miss a thing... Let me set the scene, it was a sunny but COLD Maine spring day... There was a cold wind that probably brought the temperature down to like forty-five degrees... (Fun already) We got there, visited with Dakota and his family (who own a construction company and spent the day doing shed assembly demos.) then walked around for about thirty-five minutes before we joined the long line of people waiting for hot-dogs... Here is the thing, Paul loves heavy equipment... He positively lusts after excavators, tractors, chippers, chain saws, backhoes and the like... He looks at them like most normal men look at Italian sports cars... Here is the other thing... We live in a small ranch house, in a subdivision, on 1/4 acre... We don't even need a ride-on mower! We are not in the market for any of the above, yet he is nuts about them... He knows the new models from last years with a casual glance... For years he has tried to convince me if he owned some small equipment he could make us money taking the little jobs the bigger excavation companies would scoff at... I always tell him to go for it... I'll always back him up, but the answer is always, "Not now... I mean someday." so I kinda stopped listening to a lot of the excitement.
On a side note... I saw on the news the other day that the age of the average American farmer/rancher is 61 years old... I didn't believe it, since I (like you, probably) read The Pioneer Woman blog and see all the young faces... I was wrong! The average age there was probably a little older then that!
Anyhow, we ate our hot-dogs, gathered our farm equipment open house swag... I walked away with a water bottle and a pocket flashlight with batteries! (Please, try to contain your jealousy!) And after buying a raffle ticket and visiting with Dakota's family for a couple more minutes we were ready to go an hour and a half after our arrival. After convincing him we did not need to pop into the John Deere dealer across the street, after all, let's save some of the excitement for another weekend, we headed back into town to grab some last minute food for that night.
Dakota and his family (Who just spent all day assembling three sheds in the cold and wind) were coming to dinner that night. This was an actual invite, not a spur of the moment thing, so I had to rush home and get the house "company clean"... I made bbq pulled pork, hash-brown casserole, and steamed broccoli... and because of the day they had, they showed up, ate, we visited for about an hour or so around the table, then they stumbled home to their beds... I didn't mind... I was tired too... All that deep cleaning will make a woman not want the company she's doing it for to even show up! Don't get me wrong, a pleasant evening was had by all, but I think we were all relieved for it to end.
Sunday we played "hookie" from church. (I know we are the youth leaders... Hey, everyone needs a free pass to play hookie occasionally!) I had a migraine headache, Katy had cramps, Allie overslept and Paul suffered from acute inertia... By noon the girls were up and ready for something so they and the guys went out to paddle in kayaks around Sennebec pond... (Curious? Click HERE) It was slightly warmer today but still windy so they came home exhausted and after a (boring) pasta dinner we hunkered down and watched the movie "We Bough A Zoo" (Cutest movie and child star ever!) and just chilled...
Are you asleep yet? (You should be!) I know that with six weeks left until the wedding, we won't have many more of these "dull" weekends... And even after that, Katy will not be living at home anymore and things will be forever changed, so I as actually really happy we had this one... I love a dull weekend!
The new prom dress arrived today... It fits beautifully! (Yea!) We will be listing the one that doesn't fit on e-bay this week. I know, a lot of you are wondering why I didn't just go to a store and have her try dresses on... I remind you I live in one of the most beautiful middles of nowhere you've ever seen! To put things in perspective the nearest Target is a 40 minute drive away... As is the nearest Starbucks! Normally we'd take the two hour trek to Portland to do something like prom dress shopping, but with the wedding and youth group keeping us so busy we are forced to rely on the Internet...
As far as the RSVPs and my dilemma, I like the suggestion of asking someone else to inquire of local people. One suggestion I've had for out of town guests is to call/email and see if they are going to need help with accommodations. Mid-Coast Maine is a very popular summer destination, so it is a reasonable question to ask. Next wedding we will request a quicker RSVP cut-off date.
The following is the resolutions to the parent issues I asked everyone about earlier this week. (See HERE)
As for parent issue #1: We (Paul) had already decided that we were not going to compromise on the age limits. We have had quite a few issues with this family in question and although we do plan to sit down with them one again and explain our position, we are chalking this relationship up to a "you can't please everyone" situation. I can almost guarantee even if we resolve this so that everyone is happy (unlikely) there will be another issue before long. (But I shall pray that this won't be the case.)
As for parent issue #2: There really is not much we can do here. We (actually "I" since this is a single mom) do plan to sit down with her and let her know how this is negatively impacting our goal to grow the female attendance at youth group, and that it is really inappropriate for her as a parent to register for youth events under our church's name then treat it like a private, invitation only event. We also spoke with our pastor about this and he plans to back us up if she signs up for anymore "youth events" under our church's name, letting her know that only we are "authorized" to do so... I am also praying this will go well.
Parent issue #3: As for the card game... Paul considers this a non-issue. We are not there to "parent" the teens in our care, but to reach their hearts for the Lord... He really truly believes we need to do our job, and let the Holy Spirit do his. That being said, he did think it might be helpful to do a devotion (separate from their regular lesson) on what influences they are allowing in their lives, without singling out any one influence in particular, but giving them a blanket over-view. We are also keenly aware that this parent in particular sees evil almost everywhere. By her own admission they would not let their son's play with Harry Potter Legos at their cousin's house in an effort to keep evil influences away from their boys and disapproves of the Veggie Tales since "they water down the Bible." I am not judging them for this level of caution, but we can't run a student ministry that will seek and reach the lost with that level of extreme caution.
We have actually had a few other issues crop up since I typed the first post Tuesday... We really think the enemy is doing some of his best work this week to exhaust us emotionally, but it is having the opposite effect on us at this point... One of the attacks was a bit personal... One of the kids claims he heard Katy and Jed say something that led him to believe they were living together and having premarital sex... Rather then talk to them or even us, he went home and told his mom this as if it was a fact... She then (out of concern) spoke to a few other people who a couple of brought this "accusation" to the attention of the pastor. This isn't the first time our family has been gossiped about and not even the first time it was a hurtful rumor attacking our daughter's character, but it is frustrating. This is also Katy & Jed's last week at youth since they are leaving to join a more adult oriented study (besides it was time) so it was hard to find out this rumor was spreading... We plan to address it head on at youth this week and we will be "clearing things up" with the parent in particular and plan to pointedly ask her to recontact anyone she spoke about this to and clear it up (and ask them to do the same). Bottom line, we will not allow the enemy to drive us from our calling!
As for wedding stuff... I still feel way behind schedule on most fronts... So I must be doing it right, since it seems like everyone tells us they felt that way the whole last couple months!
This week the household focus has shifted some from Katy our sweet bride-to-be to Allison her equally sweet sister as we celebrate her "Birthday Week." Yes, we do birthday weeks here because I love birthdays and as the girlies have grown up I find that a whole week of little things to make them feel special mean more then one big blow-out day. All week the birthday person gets to choose the menu, they are released from all chores and everyone participates in creating little surprises for the birthday girl/guy.
What are some examples you ask? Well, this week on Sunday Dakota took her out for her favorite fried Maine Shrimp dinner and then went for ice cream with friends after. On Monday I greeted her after school with her favorite coffee drink and we headed out to the grocery store to shop for her menu. While at the store she was able to add little "treats" to the cart that we might not always have on hand (Nutella, Nilla Wafers, Grapes, Kiwis, Newman's Organic Lemonade, & Reese's Peanut Butter Cups) none of which are things we never have, but they are some of her favorites, so to have them all at once is the treat. On Tuesday she woke up to find that he sister had left a new bottle of her favorite body wash on her dresser wrapped in a bow and her dad surprised her with the travel mug she'd admired a few weeks back full and ready to go for the drive to school.
Today is her actual birthday so the ante was upped a little... Because she is almost done with school and she is pretty much out of classes she needs she only goes half days. (So does Dakota.) On "white" days (her long one) she has two morning classes, lunch and then one more class, getting out at 12:55. I checked her grades then e-mailed her French teacher to see if it would be a problem if she left school before his class. After I got the go ahead from him I conspired with Dakota (who gets out at lunch time) and contacted the office. At the end of her 2nd class she got "called to the office" where Dakota was waiting for her and was informed she was released for the day. (I love confusing them... I got about 20 texts in the next 15 minutes.) She got home to find two helium "birthday" balloons on the mail box and as she got out of the car her dad and I did a really bad birthday "rap" for her. Inside she found the table set with some of her favorites, sushi, a peach mango smoothie, a bag of Cheetos, and three chocolate truffles from the fancy shop in town. (There were lunch treats for our co-conspirator too.) and thanks to her father's last minutes genius a huge bouquet of polka-dot balloons... One for each year...
Her sister and Jed got her a TJ Maxx gift card...
(Please ignore the wedding stuff piled beside the chimney there, the power-strip poking out under the entertainment center and Katy's danskos... I guess I could have moved them before I took the picture, but we're all friends here... right?)
Her grandparent's gift is in the little white box...
A beautiful sapphire necklace...
While we are checking out the entertainment center... Here is that little blue bird again and the shells & sea glass are back in the apothecary jars for the summer... It is a bit early for the shells to be out, in years past I've done a post-Easter Spring display, but this year I need to focus on other things (the wedding) so the shells are out...
A peek at the other side... There are some star fish and sea urchins in the blue lantern...
So what did we get her you ask?
Remember this dress?
THE dress... The one she had to have for prom? The one we ordered from China, made to her measurements? The "bargain" at only $125.00??? Well, she got it... and it's beautiful... It is so well made... It doesn't fit! We couldn't figure out why... Until she confessed that her bras had been fitting her differently for the last week or so... She has been a c-cup for the last few years so I took her in to be measured (she would be so happy I am telling you this) and she is now a DD-cup! No wonder the dress with the built in corset doesn't fit her! Aghhh...
So we were back to square one on the prom dress front... A few nights ago we were looking at prom dresses online and she saw this one at David's Bridal on sale for 114.50 (down from 229.00) but only available in store...
We know what size dress she takes at David's Bridal since we were just there trying on dresses, so I quick called the Portland store (a little over two hours from here, so I didn't want to run down there if they didn't have it in stock.) and they had one left in her size. They could hold it 24 hours but I am not free this week to run to Portland so for 15.00 they can mail it to us and if it doesn't fit we can bring it back to the store and exchange it... So yes, we got her a second prom dress for her birthday! It should be here by Friday. (We will try to sell the first one on e-bay and hope for the best.)
For dinner tonight she didn't want to go out to a restaurant since she really just wanted to hang out in yoga pants and a sweatshirt so we ordered Applebee's "carside to go" and brought her dinner to her... We all lounged around the living room and ate way too much in lazy comfort...
As for the rest of "Birthday week" we do have plans... I can't share them right now since she is not above peeking on here for clues. We are having Dakota's family over Saturday for a cookout and will do her cake and such then, but she knows about that...
Do you have any special birthday traditions in your family?
Today I need lots of advice... I had a lot of help from everyone when I asked last time, so here goes on various subjects... 1. RSVPs are the bane of my existence... I don't know why, but a lot of people just don't RSVP these days. It seems like people only let you know if they are coming, but rarely let you know when they aren't. And even that seems to be hit or miss. The shower was nearly impossible to get RSVPs back for. The problem arises with the wedding. As discussed before, our venue holds 175 people. We go to a church that has about 175 people, no problem you say? Not so fast, when you deduct for our family and friends, and the grooms family and friends that leaves room for about 70-80 church family. That didn't seem like a problem at the time; because there are fewer then that many people we thought we felt close to...It turns out when you are in ministry in a church, a lot of people feel close to you. Yes, we know just about everyone, but we didn't feel close to everyone... We now know we will need to book a bigger venue for Allison's wedding, but we can't do anything about the size now... As a result we were forced to create a "B List"... You know, the list of people we will invite when we start to get declined RSVPs in the mail... We have invited 169 people currently and have heard from 67 (64 yes, 3 declines) so far. We got a lot of the RSVPs in the first week after the invites went out, but they have dried to a trickle... I included a self-addressed, stamped envelope to ease the process, yet there are still so many lingering out there... I don't dare take people on their verbal RSVPs because so far I have had a couple tell me they can't go then RSVP yes... When I called to clarify they said the weekend in question opened up for them. I know that it might take people who have to travel longer to commit, since they need to look at travel, but do you think it would be tacky to call or chat with in person local people to see if they plan to come? I don't want to put people on the spot, but... What would you do?
2. Parents... When asked what the hardest part of student ministry is the answer is hands down, dealing with the parents... I know everyone knows what is best for their particular kids but we can't tailor the entire youth group around each family individual needs... It would be totally nuts to try... I feel like all of a sudden we are being bombarded by (well-meaning but) pushy parents...
First parent issue: Our youth group is for 13- college age. We had to define it by grade to make when they can start coming less crazy so before we were in charge it was decided 8th grade and up... Then just before we came they decided they would let in 7th grade on a kid by kid basis with the parents being fully aware that they may be asked to step out if they are not ready maturity wise at any time. That means on any given week we have "kids" from 12-21 in attendance... We do most things together as a group, worship, games, announcements, etc., but for the lesson we divide up into 7th - 9th grades and 10th and up... (and in the summer when we have more college age kids home we will do a separate study for them.) This is something new we started to meet the needs of the most kids... When we were all together for the lesson you have to "aim the lesson at the middle" meaning the oldest and youngest members were being left behind. Now, what if you think your 8th grade son is particularly "gifted" and wants him with the older kids? What if you are absolutely convinced of this? What if the youth leaders don't agree with you? And even if they did, made the decision to stick to the age parameters to keep other younger kids from wanting to do the same thing, putting everyone back where they started? Do you as the parent get mad? Do you go "over their heads" to the pastor and then the church leadership? Do you become the proverbial squeaky wheel? Now put yourself in our shoes? Do you back down to keep peace even though you know it's the wrong choice for the youth in question and the group as a whole? Do you think it is necessary to sit down with these parents more than once to explain your view? What would you do?
Second Parent issue: You are the youth leaders of a primarily male youth group. On any given week you have about 12-15 guys and 2-4 girls... One of the guys in your group comes from a single parent home that decided the best way to keep their oldest son from "dating" was to tell him at 14 that he had to be 16 to "date"... Now the boy just turned 16 and you, his mom are freaking out. You decide that the reason he wants to "date" so bad is because 2 of the 4 girls in the youth group are dating guys in the youth group (or in Allison's case, engaged to) and not because he is a normal, healthy, good looking 16 year old who has had a crush on one girl in particular for over a year. (And fortunately she happens to be a Christian too.) How do you deal with this mom who has decided to organize "outside" activities to go to and only invite the guys from youth group to attend? These are activities that we would happily do as a group, but for one reason or another we didn't find out about in time. How would you feel as a youth leader to find out either just before of just after the fact that one parent has in the past few months planned several things that 4/5 of your youth are invited to but you are never informed in advance and the girls are primarily the only ones excluded? She regularly has stuff at her home for "just the guys" but the activities she has organized (without our knowledge) are generally co-ed events when they get there, so it seems fruitless to exclude the few girls we do have and it does bother my husband and I that there is a parent out there for all intents and purposes planning youth group activities outside of the student ministry the excludes and not includes the girls (and a few of the guys who have sisters). Another issue is that this is a single mom doing this... If she wants "guy only" events doesn't it make sense to ask the male youth leader to plan these? (By the way, Paul does do some guy only stuff with them.) One of the guys from youth decided to confront this mom and ask her if they could include the girls and she told him she didn't want the girls coming to things she organizes specifically, which is why she doesn't go through us? What do you do?
Third parent issue: There are a few boys in the youth group who play the "Magic the gathering" card game. We have decided to be neutral about this. Do we approve and would we let our kids play? I don't know, but Paul looked into it and decided we have much larger fish to fry. We live in a part of the country where the majority of people do not go to church and I will even go one step further to say that most people here are either openly anti-Christian or apathetic towards us. Only about 1/3 of our kids and their parents go to our church and of the other 2/3rd a few go to other churches and most of the rest are the only member of their family going to church, at all. The high school age kids can name all the other Christians in their entire school. There are very few (less than 10%) and quite frankly, this card game is the least of our worries. We fight hard not to, but do "lose" kids to the "partying" crowd with some frequency and rarely win them back... Paul has decided to let the Holy Spirit do the convicting when it comes to this card game. We don't let them play the game at youth (not that they have asked) and if they have their cards with them we use the same rule we use for cell phones, and hand-held video games, put away during youth time. These boys go to a little shop in town that sells the cards and comic books and play "tournaments" once a month and have invited several of the kids they have met there to youth and a couple come regularly now... Here is the problem... One parent sees these cards as evil and not only wants them banned from youth but wants us to publicly take a stand against them. Paul said "no" and that we are trying to reach these kids not shut them out. This is the same parent who finds fault with any movie we decide to show and complained to the pastor that we serve too much junk food and allow too much "rough-housing" at youth... (Do I approve of these cards? No... I really don't. I personally think they are possibly somewhat occultic in nature and would not encourage my child play them.) Do you think we should take a stand on them or is it splitting (legalistic) hairs when the salvation of these kids and then protecting them from the sex and partying that is such an accessible part of their daily lives? What would you do?
So what is your advice? (I'll remember I asked.)
Thanks for listening, rebecca d
PS... My husband has already made a call on all the above "parent issues" although they are not resolved since they all came up in the past week or so... I would just really like to hear where a wide range of people stand on these issues to see if we are on the right track... I will share the resolutions as we come to them in a later post.
The week away was blissful! I am so glad to be back, but Paul was right, we (I) needed a break from all things wedding & youth group. I love our student ministry and each of the kids and I am loving planning Katy's wedding, but I was on overload and needed to breathe.
If you recall I was staring down one of my busiest weekends of the year before I left. I have so much to tell you, but I know a lot of you just want to see the pictures from the shower... So I say, "give the people what they want!" So without further ado...
Katy's Shower!
We had it at our church just the day after our talent show fundraiser, so we left the church at 10:45 PM on Friday and were back there at 8 AM Saturday!
The welcome table...
I found the bird at Goodwill for .99... He was in need of a little face lift so we primed him and gave him the blue paint job... I just love him now and he has a place of honor in my living room! He and the birdcage will also have a home on the welcome table at the wedding.
One of the tablescapes...
Those are the little cake stands Allison and I made with cupcakes on them.
Each of the little pillow packs at each place contain one of our family's favorite treats...
Albanese 12 flavor Gummi Bears!
They are A-MAZE-ING!
Seriously... Even if you don't like gummi bears give these a try!
Katy, Regina (a bridesmaid) Laurie, Michaela (another bridesmaid) Allison and Kris (Allison's future mother-in-law in what must be the worst picture ever taken of her!)
Poor Katy got a severe shoulder strain just a couple days before her shower. She is fine now but was in a lot of pain that day. I really felt bad for her, she couldn't even open her own presents... But it did make for some cute moments with her sister and bridesmaids who were able to be there. (One is still away at school.)
My cousin Janine, Aunt Florence and mother...
Jed's Mom (in the middle) with some of his family...
Another very flattering shot...
Blame this bridesmaid for the flattering shots... I asked her to go around and get a few candids... Careful what you ask for! Thankfully Allison got this shot of her... All is fair in love and candid photography! (That's how that saying goes, right?)
The cute blond girlie is Katy's flower-girl!
She is as sweet as she is cute!
Each of those little frames on the tables had little love quotes in them... I used these ones that I found on pinterest:
Aren't they sweet... We went around and had someone from each table read the one on theirs... It was an admittedly cheesy but sweet moment of "awww"s!
Here are some of the ladies from church!
(I love these women!!)
As I was leaving Wal-Mart the day before the shower I spotted these cute Hello Kitty coloring books for only $1.00 each so I grabbed them and some .49 crayons and Allison tied them up with a bow and left one on the seats of each of the little girls who attended. Of all the little details we poured into this shower, this was by far the most talked about later... (Oh, and the gummis!) But the looks on the little girls faces when they discovered the coloring books on their seats was worth a million dollars!
Notice the cute homemade banner on the wall in the background of the above photo? Just above Allison's head over the food table in the distance there? No? Oh that was because I left it at home! Yeppers, I stayed up really, really late putting the finishing touches on a cute banner that never made it to the party. Just moments before the guests started arriving I asked Allison and Regina to hang it up over the food table, only to discover (with the help of a quick phone call to Paul) that it was at home. Oh well, this stuff happens, and with some minor changes I could use it for another party... But don't suggest Allison's shower... She has already stated she wants a banner made for her not a left-over (albeit unused) banner from her sister's shower!
The paper everyone is writing on is one of the games Allison came up with for the shower... This one was a "How Well Do You Know Katy" game... We had everyone fill out the game then I had Katy come up front and we did a bit of a silly "shtick" of revealing the answers... Or we tried to be entertaining, you'd have to ask someone that was there if we were or not. The other game Allison MC'd and it was a "What's in your handbag" game... Also a lot of fun and that blond (Laurie, mother of the bridesmaid in blue) packs a lot in her tiny bag and won by a long shot!
Oh look there is a photo of me... Maybe the only one from her shower...
Yep, goofy chipmunk grin and flashing the world's worst "gang" symbol... Sorry Katy that you got this head case for a mom!
Moving on...
She got tons of amazing gifts. Unfortunately it was all hands on deck helping her open her gifts so I didn't take any pictures of her (and Allison) opening them. She got lots of great stuff and Katy, her sister and I had a blast putting all her new stuff away at their new apartment just last night. My sweet girlie waited until we were back from the island until she took the stuff over to the apartment so we could all "play" with everything together. Of course Jed is now afraid to use his kitchen that he may break or soil something before the wedding... I think that boy will use any excuse to eat here!
Here are two of her bridesmaids again...
I love these sweet gals!
Oh, look another shot of me.. and better then the other one! (Sad huh?)
Just a quick note to let everyone know that the bridal shower was a huge success! We had lots of fun and I even remembered my camera! When we get back from our family's camp I share all the details with you!
Today is our 21st anniversary... Yes, our union is old enough to drink! So, Cheers!
I'll leave you with this teaser of other goings on...
I am staring down the barrel of what looks to be the second busiest weekend of my year! I am a little beyond busy right now, so this will probably be my only post this week and I won't be posting next week (more on that in a sec.) so bear with me if it's kinda long....
First, let me start with a little Easter re-cap...
We had a wonderful, relaxing weekend for the most part. Allie and I went to TJ Maxx on Saturday in a last minute dash to see if we could find her something new to wear for Easter... Ever since they were little the girlies have always had something new for Easter, even if it was just "new to them", but in all the craziness of wedding and shower planning we had forgotten that Allison did not have her "new" thing to wear yet...
She found this dress for a mere $14.99 and although black was not the color we were looking for, the price and fit were perfect. You can't really tell from this picture, but it has some beautiful, intricate bead work on the "belt" and she likes it so much she plans to wear it to the rehearsal too. The best part of this dress? The shopping trip to buy it. Allison has changed so much in the past year, matured so much that she is not my little girl anymore. She does most of her shopping with her sister or friends these days so it was nice to go shopping just the two of us. We do get to run errands a lot and have spent a lot of time browsing shops and thrift stores for wedding/shower stuff, but this was just her and I and not about her sister at all... It was nice. We had fun and she even liked a few of the things I picked out and insisted I go with her into the dressing room. This is a departure from past clothing shopping trips. We even bought a top I selected and wore it to school today!
As for Katy's "new" thing, It's that sassy green coat. Allison and I actually found it at our local Goodwill. It is from Old Navy and was new with the original tags and half off their normal $4.99 coat price so it was $2.50!! I took a chance for that price. Any of you who have teenage/adult daughters (or moms who shop for you) know what a gamble that can be, but I was willing to eat $2.50 and find another home for this sassy coat if necessary. It has a navy blue satin lining so she paired it up with a navy blue knit dress she had and some ultra-sassy wedges and looked pretty cute too... If you ask me!
I know that Easter bunnies and eggs have nothing to do with the resurrection of Christ, but I think the whole tradition of Easter baskets and such is fun... It is a fun tradition that the girlies seem to still enjoy very much... This year we included the guys in the loot... I did up a bunch of junk for each of them in some cute cupcake boxes we had around the house, and I got each of them a huge bunny. I don't remember ever buying the girls one of the huge ones when they were young, because what child needs that much candy? Then as they got older, the opposite seemed true, like they were too old. This year is the last year that both of my daughters have the same last name as I do and I guess I was feeling a little nostalgic so big bunnies all around! I am so glad I did too, it turns out the guys families don't do much in the way of Easter baskets. Jed said he doesn't remember his last one, but it was probably first or second grade... Dakota said his mom used to do them, but stopped as they got older... I don't think I'll ever stop doing baskets for them... It's too much fun. I can see them coming home at 35 and having Easter baskets... I just love the child like fun of it! (By the way, the little pails on the side are the ones I did for my parents, Paul and I... We don't need a huge basket! Not that anyone ever needs a huge basket!)
Now why is this weekend so busy you ask... Well, here is my itinerary:
Thursday Night: Youth Worship Team Practice
Friday Night: Youth Talent Show Fundraiser
Saturday 11 AM: Katy's shower (I'm hosting it at our church)
Sunday: Youth lead worship, we have a guest speaker who is aimed at the youth and we are staying after church for lunch with him. After lunch we leave for my family's cabin on the island of Islesboro until Friday. Oh, and Sunday is our 21st Anniversary too!
Wowzers... Why am I blogging right now... My to do list for the next four days is incredibly long! I will start at the top and let you know why each of these in and of themselves are stressful. The pastor asked us three weeks ago to lead worship this Sunday because of two reasons... First the guest speaker, and second about 2/3 of our worship team will be out of town. Our youth worship team had a major upheaval in membership after the last time we lead worship. Quite a few of the kids left because of spring sports at school. They just couldn't commit to practicing. A few others left because they realised their hearts were not in leading worship and they found other areas to serve in... This left us with three guys on guitar (one electric, one bass, & one acoustic) one of who can sing semi-consistently, a drummer borrowed from our sister youth group, and two female vocalists who are not overly confident, but are good singers when they breathe right. (We also have a keyboard player, but he leaves Sat morning on a mission trip.) We told the pastor we were not going to be ready, even songs we did before would have to be re-tooled, but he seemed to think we were being pessimistic and encouraged us to just encourage them. We did that, but we also upped our practices to whenever we could get the church and most of the kids there. This past Saturday we practiced for over four hours and the pastor happened to be there and hear us... He is currently leading worship at our church filling in while we search for a worship leader, and in fact started out at our church as worship leader. He is also a semi-professional singer/songwriter who opens for a lot of big name Christian singers here in New England.
Here he is opening for John Waller last fall:
If you watch this, it says it's 8 minutes, but it is actually more then one song... It was the final song he did in the set, so it is several songs strung together at the end. If you notice him primarily looking to his right it is because that is where we were (the youth group) and some people from our church and we were the only ones standing and worshiping with him at this point... I don't know why people in New England insist on driving for hours to get to a worship filled concert then sit there passively... It a mystery...But if you watch the whole thing you will see him get nearly everyone worshiping!
Anyhow, music is important to him and he finally heard how much they were struggling. He actually stopped working on what he was doing for Easter to work with us. We improved quite a bit, but we need ALL of you to lift us up in prayer for this Sunday! We are hoping that tomorrow night after pratice they will be ready and he won't feel the need to call in the remainder of the worship team who is in town to fill in with the kids. (They would feel so defeated after working so hard.) So, pray for tomorrow night's pratice too... (or since I am typing this so late, tonight's pratice!)
Friday's fundraiser is supposed to be our biggest one of the season... We have big plans for a mission trip, a retreat/camp-out and some service projects. To say we are unprepared would be such an understatement it seems like there should be a new word to describe how I feel. I could blame myself and Paul for having divided attention, or I could blame the kids for not putting in the effort needed to make it a success, but really, it is nobody's fault. We did the best we could, and we will live with whatever we earn. I learned a lot about fundraising for the youth group and will plan to do more in the less crazy winter months of January and February next year. We do have another fundraiser planned for late July, so we'll see how that one goes. This is the last big youth event before the wedding so successful or not, I will be glad to have this one behind me.
Saturday's shower is rapidly approaching. It looks like we will have between 30-50 people there. It is really hard to get people to RSVP to anything. I have been busy working on details for it all week and predict I will get very little sleep over the next few days. Oh, and Katy injured her shoulder at work (technically yesterday...Wednesday.) and needs to go get it looked at and x-rayed. Since there is no urgent-care clinic here, we will be headed to the ER... That should only take like six hours out of my day tomorrow (today)... I hope she is alright, but I have to admit the timing is bad. Her shoulders have been touchy since cheerleading for a few years in Jr High and High School, but this is the first actual injury she has had since she stopped.
Here are some random cheering photos...
I know they don't go with the story, but I am feeling nostalgic here at 2 AM...
NCA Cheer Camp eons ago... (or so it feels!)
Yep, That's Katy on the rear left, she was (is) tall so she was a "back" in stunts... It means she was responsible to do the catching if someone came down. She was very good... No flier ever hit the ground when she was backing... She did injure herself numerous times to save a flier, hence the shoulder trouble today...
Here she is with her three closest friends from those days. She is only still in close touch with the girl her arm is around... That little cutie pie got married last spring and just had a baby 12 days ago! Where did the time go? (Yes, she is a head taller... I told you she is tall!)
Oh, and recognize this little peanut?
Yes, Allison cheered too...
This was her at at cheer camp in 6th grade!
We are headed to our family's cabin (or "camp" if you are from this part of the country) on Islesboro after church Sunday. I told you guys about it here... It is on a little island that is a 20 minute drive and 20 minute ferry ride away. We have no TV or Internet (hence me not posting next week unless I sneak away to the little cafe there with internet service, which I might....) and it will be a much needed rest. Katy and Jed are unable to go so there looks to be little to no wedding talk for a full five days... I need this. Dakota is able to go for most of the week so he and Allison will have some much needed time together too. They are working through one of several devotions they lined up for the next year right now, but are always competing with school, work, church and family responsibilities to find any time alone to work on it. There they will be able to walk to the beach or hike in the woods or even just hang in the yard together. And Paul and I will have the same freedom... We are all needing this, but as all of you know... Prepping for a trip is a ton of work for moms! My sweet husband insisted we leave right after church/lunch on Sunday so we could spend part of our anniversary there... That means after the shower Sat. I will have to run to the store to shop for the week for us and for Katy and my parents who will be back here. Then I will have to come home and pack for the week... I am pretty sure I may sleep the first two to three days there!
Welcome to my ultra busy life... By the way, I do LOVE my life! Even the crazy weekends like this one!
See you after my weekend of crazy and my rest... I am sure I will have lots to tell you!
I've made a realization lately... I have very little adult contact. (Adults over 21 that is.) I spend most of my time with the "kids" in our student ministry, and for several weeks in a row, the only adults (other than Paul) I've had conversations with were you guys, our pastor and anyone I talk to at church on Sunday. This is sad... I mean, I love you guys, but I need a "mom's night out"... To actually be in the room with one or more adult women sharing our lives... Laughing!
I had the chance to chat with one of the moms of our youth today but after a few minutes of talking I just drifted back to the kids who were practicing for worship next week. Some more of our "kids" (a couple freshmen boys) wandered over to the church to see how pratice was going and they sat and chatted with me. I realized I talked to them for way longer then I had the mom who was there. I like her, but I just had more to say to the boys. How sad am I? I found it easier to discuss school sports and video games with a couple fifteen year old boys than to chat with a fellow mom...
Don't get me wrong, I have friends...(How sad does that last sentence sound?) There are a couple women here who when I spend any time with them either of them or the three of us together I feel completely refreshed (Yes, Allison P. I mean you and Julie.) I have a handful of women friends from church that I really, really like and I know we could be better friends with, if I took the time to foster those friendships. I also have a friend in Tennessee who I have remained super close to and when I take time to make even quickie phone calls I feel better... Yet, I don't do it often enough.
I will see almost all of my women friends this coming Saturday at Katy's shower. I am committing to make a date with someone before it's over... AND not just one of those, "we need to get together soon" open ended statements!
Yes, you read the title right... I fired the DJ yesterday. I also hired another one... Let that be a lesson to you vendors... I do not need extra grief!
Didn't I sound all tough just then? Don't I sound all kinds of in control? Wanna know the real story? Here goes...
A year ago we hired this DJ for Allison's birthday party. He and his wife did a good job and came in at the price we had budgeted. He was a little too "I think I'm very hip" for my taste... There is something very wrong about a forty-something year old man in baggy sweats and a do-rag, but according to the photos on his website he cleans up for weddings. Also he was really good about playing the songs we asked for and not playing the ones we didn't want. He seemed like an easy choice for Katy and Jed's wedding... I called him a little over a month ago and he was free that day, so we booked him. He told us he needed a $200 deposit... I told him I saw that on his website too. I also told him that if he would wait until after the first of April I'd just pay him in full. (Please note that his website stated he needed a $200 deposit for all gigs 60 days before the event to hold the day... Now please note the title of this post.) He started calling me and asking for the money Monday... I told him I have a super busy week and would have more time to meet up with him towards the end of the week. He got a little snippy and told me he had to have his deposit in order to hold the date. I said, "Yo, dude... I know how this works." I actually said "I'm really sorry to ask you to wait, I just don't know if I can get together with you before Thursday night or Friday morning."
You see, I hate those kinds of phone calls... It brought back bad memories of the years we were in debt in our early married years. I hated those phone calls... I don't like that fast heart beat thing that happens to me... I felt like I was not paying up on a debt. When Paul came home he pointed out the error in my thinking... First of all, we don't owe him anything, he hasn't provided a service yet. If I don't pay the deposit the only consequence is he won't save our date... So when he called back Tuesday I thought I'd be prepared... Nope, I turned into the same spineless jellyfish I had been the day before. Since he wanted the money in cash (he assured me he'd give me a receipt.) I wouldn't be able to make it to the bank and to meet up with him until Thursday. (Paul and I are sharing a car right now.) Again I got off the phone and felt horrible.
Fast forward to yesterday... I woke up with a migraine and ended up lying down on the sofa after Allie went off to school. Katy came in to say goodbye, she and Jed were going to take a load of stuff to the apartment, then out to lunch and then he was going to drop her off at work. I came out of my headache fog long enough to remember that it was Thursday and asked her if I gave her a check could she cash it so we could pay the D.J.? She said "Sure, but I won't have time to bring the cash back here before work." I told her that would be fine. About ten minutes after she left, he called... I told him I was sick and could get him the money the next morning. Apparently that was not good enough. He was going out of town for a gig early Friday and wanted the money before he left. I told him I'd try to get in touch with Katy and see if she and Jed could meet up with him. Long story short, she was out of cell range and I couldn't get in touch with her until she got to work and I got two more growingly annoyed phone calls from him in the mean time. I was a mess...
When Paul got home, he was not amused... He informed me that clearly this guy was having some sort of money issues and he no longer felt comfortable giving him the full $600 in fear he would disappear. In fact he said since both his website and the contract (which we had yet to sign and give him) said the deposit was due 60 days before the event, that would be when we would get it to him and not one day before. After he said this the phone rang again and guess who? Paul was too mad to deal with him in a Christian manner so I had to talk to him one last time. I told him what Paul had said (minus the money problems part) and that we would give him a check on the sixty day mark. He was not thrilled (to say the least) and I fired him. Yep, just like that... I told him we would no longer need his services, we would find another DJ and I hung up!
I felt like a thousand pound weight was lifted off of me. AND within an hour we had contracted with another DJ who has a better reputation and references and quoted me only $500 and offered us more services for that money! (HA)
Now about my other stressor... The RSVPs... Thank you for all your suggestions and encouragement... I may save Beth's "suck lemons" suggestion for a slightly bigger offence, but I do still have 70 days to go, so it may happen!
I have decided to speak to these individuals personally one on one and let them know the situation. I will also ask their help in letting other people know the situation. A lot of you were concerned about out of town guest's children. We didn't invite a lot of out of town guests. Of the few we did invite, most do not have young children. We did include those children with the invites, (Of the ones who haven't previously told us they can't come that makes five children.) We That would be a total of seven children under age 12 at the wedding. If everyone of our local and church friends brought their young children we are talking 57 young children at the wedding... Big difference!
One bloggy friend said she has taken her kids to several weddings, but they were all "children friendly" weddings. I don't know what that means... I have been to a lot of weddings and the ones with a lot of kids were always chaos. The only possible solution I could come up with was to plan activities for the kids, or as Paul suggested, rent a bounce house for them... Everyone temporarily got on board with that last suggestion, until I pointed out that we would still be over the limit that our venue allows. (Plus, what if it rains?) I really don't have time or money in the budget to plan activities for everyones children... Plus, again we do not have space or enough food ordered.
The downside of the above conversation...Now they my whole family want the bounce house, kids or no kids! Dorks! I told them I'd cut out the DJ to pay for it! Ironically at the time I said that, I had no intention of actually firing ours, but as soon as I did they momentarily considered having a friend DJ and getting the bounce house... When they realised they would have to rent a whole bunch of A/V equipment they decided it was wiser to go with the DJ... Do you know who was leading up the pro-bounce house side? Paul! Yes, my 45 year old husband would prefer a bounce house to a DJ! Welcome to my family!
So we are trying to keep the cost of Katy's wedding down... We are also wanting it to be a day for them and their friends to enjoy. One way we were trying to do that is not inviting children (other then the flower girls) under junior high age. Don't get me wrong, we love kids, but when you have large numbers of them at events not set up for them they tend to go nuts. We went to a lovely wedding recently that had a large number of kids who kind of took over the reception. The parents just let them run wild for the most part and for 2/3 of the reception the oldest person on the dance floor was 10. I love our church, but it does seem to attract a lot of people who have the "let kids be kids" parenting style... We were not that kind of parents... Quite the opposite, we believed that our girls should learn how to act in socially acceptable ways in all settings... I know it sounds like I don't like kids, but I do... I love them at VBS or Awana... I Love them in Sunday School and at playgrounds... These are all places set up for kids... Katy's wedding reception won't be... Here is the problem... When we sent out invitations to families with young kids we specifically addressed it to the mom and dad... Not the whole family. I also used RSVP cards with spaces for only two (ex. M_______________ & M_______________) to RSVP, but of the six cards we have had returned three of them have included their children... This has not only added stress but has doubled the number we intended to invite with those six invites. We are limited by our venue to 175... We invited 160 (with only about 140 of them expected to come) I did the math tonight, if everyone we invited decides to bring their children we will have 211 there! I did everything "etiquette guides" advise to let people know that we are only inviting adults... What now? Do I have to call these people and tell them their children are not invited... What a way to spread goodwill... Aghhhhh.... Help!
After yesterday's "pet peeves" post, I figured I better follow up with a blessings post... I considered naming all the things that are annoying me from yesterday's post and put a positive spin on them... But let's face it, that would be fake. Sometimes in life we are forced to put our "Game Face" on or our "Happy Face" on or even our "I Have It All Together" face, but on here (as I try to in the real world) I really want to keep it real... I am completely and totally human and that's inescapable. So this will be a different kind of counting my blessings post... Here goes...
1. Sometimes in the heat of the moment or if I let my guards down I cuss... Yes, you read that right... I consider it a blessing because I do it a lot less then I used to, and the fact I struggle with this reminds me of how far I've come in my walk with the Lord and reminds me of how far I have to go.
2. I often go to bed without doing the dinner dishes... Yes, this is a blessing because in the evening we all hang out. Sometimes just Paul and I, sometimes with the girlies, and sometimes with them and their guys. And not just watching TV or movies either. We do that probably more then we should, but more frequently we are just talking, laughing, sharing stupid youtube videos, or just all of us enjoying each others company... I am blessed that most nights my life is too full to bother with the dinner dishes!
3. I often have to fake it 'til I make it... Now that we are in ministry (if student ministry counts and "in ministry"...) people seem to think we know it all. That we somehow will be able to answer their tough Bible questions, give some life altering advice, or that our prayers have a more direct route to heaven... The first few times these situations came up I would think "Why are you asking me/us?" but it turns out we frequently do have the answer to their questions, and if we don't we know where to go to look for it... We don't always have "life altering advice" but I have found if you sit and listen to people the Holy Spirit is probably already telling them what to do, and they just need you to hear the same thing and pray with them about it... Which leads me to the prayer part... I don't know if I will ever be a prayer warrior, but I am truly leaning the meaning of unceasing prayer... Now when people as me to pray for them, instead of telling them I will and hoping I remember, I stop whatever I am doing and pray right then... Why not, they asked me to and it is fresh in both of our minds... This is a new phase for me, as I have always been a very "private" prayer person, but I can see the blessings in my life with this change.
4. Sometimes I lose my temper and yell... Like blessing #1, I do this a lot less than I used to... In fact it rarely happens anymore. Probably because of that, when it does whoever has been relentlessly pushing my buttons usually takes immediate notice (usually Katy... Sorry hon, but you know this is true, it's not always you, but you do have a particularly good ability in this area.) and stops... These days I always go back and apologise for losing my cool, and we usually have a very real and open moment for our relationship to grow. Another blessing is that as I age and mature I am really good at seeing when I am getting angry and warning the person/people. Usually something along the lines of... "Give me a few minutes here" or "You may want to stop (enter what ever they are doing here) because you are jumping on my reserve nerve." or something of the like... And (another blessing) they usually heed my warnings...
5. We are the richest poor people I know... Yes, I feel blessed that we don't have "enough" money frequently. I didn't even realize what a blessing that was until last week. Our Pastor has been giving premarital counseling to Katy & Jed and apparently he was talking to them about money and the fact that it is the #1 thing couples fight over. He started with Jed and he shared his observations about his parent's disagreements over money then he turned to Katy and asked her if her parents ever get in fights over money and her answer was:
"Not since I've been old enough to remember anyhow. We usually don't have a lot of money but we always have enough, and when our family is having a particular money struggle we sit down and pray over the problem. My parents got out of most of their debt years ago and we live on whatever the Lord provides. In fact some of my best memories come from times we all prayed as a family over a situation and got to watch the Lord solve it. We have always had everything we need and usually most of what we want. My parents have always insisted we all tithe, even if it was just $5.00 in babysitting money, I think it's because of that they have never worried about money." (I double checked with her on this quote so I think it's pretty close to her actual answer.)
Now, her answer is not 100% true, I mean it is true in that it is from her perspective... We did argue about money in our early years, but not since she was old enough to remember, so that is true. Years ago we came to the realisation that everything we have is God's, and money is just a tool he gives us to live by and do his service with... When it comes to money, Paul tends to be a worrier by nature, so he prefers for me to handle it. This is a job I have thrust back at him several times over the years only to eventually submit to him and take it back. As long as we tithe, pay the bills, and have some money set aside for emergencies, he is happy. We sit down once a month and I let him know where we stand, half the time I am sure he isn't really paying attention, he trusts me but it makes me feel better that he knows. Do I worry about money? Of course... I've shared those worries on here, but I am blessed to have daughters who grew up in a house where worrying about money was not the focus, and not argued about. On a side note: When he asked her what if anything we do argue about her answer was: "Differences in opinions about what the Bible says and your sermons!" (And, no we did not sit in on this session, but we did show up to set up for student worship pratice as they were finishing up and he called us in to share this... With their full knowledge that he planned to do so.)
So there you have it, yesterday my pet peeves about stuff I should feel blessed by (after all, you only attract ants if you have food!) and a list of blessings about stuff that should peeve me... Go figure...
